Close on the face of a weatherbeaten Statue in a courtyard at the University of Toronto

Boris comes out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, heading up the stairs to the girl’s kitchen. He knows the upper level is off limits but nobody’s here and it’s an emergency. Maggie has that bag of frozen peas she uses as an icepack when her trick ankle swells. Nobody will have stolen that because even the local food thieves know those peas have been defrosted and refrozen so many times that eating them would mean a sure trip to the hospital side.

Not that any of the students ever seem to actually eat anything as nutritious as peas, he starts to smile at the thought but the pain stops him cold. He needs those peas.

He’s wrapping Maggie’s bag of peas in a tea towel when Elsie comes in.

“What happened to you?”

Boris jumps, then realizes Elsie is more interested in his busted face than in busting him. He starts to smile but the pain stops it dead.”I assumed the whole school would know by now.”

Elsie smiles. “I’m not the whole school. Let me see.”

She corners him, reaches up and tilts his chin back. so she can examine his eye in the light.

“I’ve had black eyes before. I’ll live.”

“You can’t be too careful with your eyes Boris. A trauma can detach a retina. Hang on a minute.” Elsie leaves him leaning on the cupboard while she roots through the drawer.

“Natasha hit me.”

“Ah.” She holds up a small bright LED flashlight.

Boris swallows, afraid of what she’ll find.

“Don’t look so worried. I’m just looking, it won’t hurt. I may only be a student but I can probably tell you if you need to go in and see a real doctor. All right?”

Boris nods. “It hurts more than my last black eye.”

“Here, what I want you to do is lean back and look up. Tilt your head back. Just like that. Keep staring up and I’m going to shine the light in your eyes. Try not to blink.”

“Okay.” Boris leans back and concentrates on keeping his eyes open and still, trying not to flinch when she shines the powerful little flash in his eyes. It seems to take forever but then suddenly she switches it off. It’s over.

“So what do you think,” he asks nervously as she tucks the flashlight back into the drawer full of odds and ends.

She smiles at him. “I can’t see anything wrong. Use the ice, take Tylenol. If it hurts tomorrow, you should see a real doctor.”

He nods. “Thanks, Elsie.”

She turns away and it occurs to him for the first time that Elsie the maneater has just had him pinned in the corner wearing nothing but a towel. Suddenly he feels a little hurt.

“Is that it?” he asks, wrapping the peas in the towel, and gently laying it against his eye.

She turns back and says, “I can’t write you a prescription, I’m only a student.” then she registers the look of rejection on his face, and a smile plays around the corners of her mouth. “Ah. You mean,” she points to him, and says, “boy,” to herself, “girl”, then pointing at his “towel?”

He starts to blush, says, “Well, uh, yeah.”

“In the first place, you’re a patient. The most important thing in my life is becoming a doctor. Even wannabe doctors have to take care not to dally with patients. That’s one. And two, I have an exam to study for.”

Boris is happy that at least she didn’t say he was ugly.

Still.

“That’s not what I meant. I mean from a woman’s point of view, what’s wrong with me?”

The smile reaches her eyes. “Not a thing, Boris.” She appraises his form seriously, then continues, “You’re very nearly perfect. You’ve got a great body. Good muscle tone, definition. Perhaps your nose is a bit too perfect, a touch too straight. A little jog would make it nearly irresistible. Maybe next time get her to go for the nose and leave your eyes alone. When they’re not bashed in you have beautiful eyes. A good face.”

Boris looks a little bit happier to hear how great he is. “Really? You really think so?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you. I like you, Boris, but you’re a romantic. And much as I’d enjoy divesting you of that towel, I don’t think it would do either of us any good. Do you?”

Sadly he says, “Oh, I don’t know.”

She winks at him. “But I’m only human after all, so maybe you’d better go put some clothes on just the same.” She smiles down at the towel, licks her lips, then turns on her heel and heads out of the kitchen.

Boris finds himself smiling in spite of himself. Maybe he isn’t a total loser. Maybe he will be fighting off the babes at the pub.

Good muscle tone she said. He flexes, making sure to keep a good grip on the frozen peas. Held gently against the sore eye. Ow.

Great body, eh?

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