Tamara slams the teapot down on the table. Startled, Barbie recoils, then asks, “What’s wrong Tam?”
“I’m just so mad at Q. I hurried home last night and made dinner and he never showed. Didn’t even call. He was in bed when I woke up, but I don’t have a clue when he came in.”
“That stinks.”
“I feel so stupid.” Tamara slides into her seat. “Everybody was right. We shouldn’t have gotten married. Wait til after college my mom said. Be a doctor first and then be a wife.”
Pouring tea for both, Barbie asks, “So why didn’t you?”
“I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. Then he proposed. And like the song says, we’re the now generation. I wanted him now, you know? I didn’t see he’s not very grown up. All he wants to do is play. Probably why he’s so good at playing.”
“But play is important. He still turns your crank, right?”
“That’s half the problem. He can turn my crank whenever he wants. It’s hard to have a serious conversation when you’re makin’ whoopee. Just thinking about him gets me hot. Still.” Tamara shakes her head ruefully, smiling dreamily. “Even when I’m mad as hell. You just can’t imagine how good the sex is, girl. I just wish he’d grow up.”
Barbie giggles. Flashing on the clinch with Jose, she says, “Oh, I can imagine.”
Tamara sighs. “I didn’t know his idea of higher education was access to a better class of drugs. Pretty much all he wants to do, hang out with the gang and smoke up. I mean I like partying, just not twenty four seven. I have to work hard at it if I’m gonna be a doctor.” Tamara takes a deep breath and says, “You know, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and being a doctor is more important to me than being married. I know I’ll be a good doctor. And I want it so bad I can taste it. But Q just hasn’t been there for me.”
“Is it that bad?” Barbie asks, surprised.
Tamara nods miserably. “I can’t party all the time or I’ll wash out. I have to focus on my studies. But how can I even concentrate if I’m spending half my life wondering where he is.”
Barbie shakes her head, “Wow, Tam, I had no idea. What are you gonna do?”
“I’ve been hoping it’d pass, telling myself he’ll settle down. Start participating in his coursework, get involved, But if anything it’s getting worse.” Tamara sips her tea, staring at the steam rising up out of the mug, “I just don’t know, Barb. I didn’t hardly get any sleep last night, trying to wait up for him. It was after three when I put out the light and he still wasn’t back.”
“You have to talk to him about it.”
“I try to but every time we end up in bed having even better sex than the time before. I freaked on his head this morning and he still almost got me back in the sack. Just talking about it hours later I still feel equal parts lust and anger. How do you handle that?”
“Whoooo, sounds kind of tempting actually.” giggles Barbie.
“You are not helping. But it sounds like you regret not giving Jose a tumble. Maybe you should, release a little tension.”
“If there was any chance at all of a no strings roll in the hay with Jose I’d be there in a heartbeat. Maybe what I’m really afraid of is that once would never be enough and we end up game over. Married and dead.” Barbie blushes and claps a hand over her mouth. “Oh Tam, I’m sorry I didn’t mean …”
Tamara smiles sadly, “You did, and you’d be right. I gotta figure something out ’cause this married thing is gonna kill me.”
Barbie suggests, “Maybe it would help to talk in public so he can’t put the moves on you. Go to the pub or something.”
“Maybe. He swore to me he’d be here for dinner tonight but he just blew it off. He knows I’ve got a lab and he’ll miss me again.”
“Maybe he missed on purpose ’cause he knows you’re mad.”
“If he doesn’t bother to show up it only makes me madder. He knows that too.”
“Yeah, but guys. I mean, don’t they all do that? We all make choices, and it’s hard to know what we’ll regret later.”
Tamara leans on her hand, dejected. “I regret too many things now, I can’t afford to worry about later. What are you worried about regretting?”
“When I’m a little old lady sitting in my rocking chair in the old folks home, when I stare into the fireplace and think about my life, will I regret passing up a chance at Jose? Oh hell, I was doing so well keeping the fantasy Jose separate from the real one until, god, I was such a slut, I practically attacked him, and you know, it was so close, Tam. It was way better than my imagination. And part of me still wishes I did jump him.”
Tamara says,”Sounds like you’re regretting right now.”
“Maybe I am. What I really better do is call Terrence.”
Tamara snorts. “Barbie girl, you are the only woman I know whose vibrator has a name.”
